Ready for Miracles?
Sorry I skipped the newsletter last week. I was spending some quality time in Denmark with my kids who live there with their mom.
Today, I wanted to share a great book/program with you. It's Gay Hendricks' book "The 10-Second Miracle".
I've raved about Gay before, he's a great great human being, but oh boy! I think that book has completely changed my life. It's definitely the most important book I've read this year, maybe even the most important book since I read his other book, Learning to love yourself.
About a decade ago, I had no contact with my feelings at all. I was a head on a stick, walking around like everything from the neck down pretty much didn't exist. I used to smoke a pack a day, eat junk, drink a lot, rarely exercise, and was overweight. In the mid-2000s I started to open up, get in touch with my feelings, and get to know that big, exciting world that lives inside me.
At first, it was all a jumbled mess. So many feelings all at once, it was hard to keep them apart. Underneath the anger laid buried the hurt. Under the hurt was the sadness. Under the sadness was the longing. And underneath it all an ocean of fear.
I got much better at being in touch with my feelings, but there was one important unconscious program still running me that I only discovered when reading the 10-second miracle:
I thought you weren't really allowed talk about what you felt in social situations or in close relationships.
Instead, I thought you were supposed to notice subtly what you're feeling and what they're feeling, never admit that you know this, and then go up into your head to compute something clever to say that will show the other person that you're right and they're wrong, something that will hurt them slightly, but not so much that it completely ruins the relationship.
This is how I grew up. This is how most of my relationships have worked. Needless to say, it's a very complicated way to live your life.
I never realized that you could just tune into your feelings, feel what you're feeling, and then share what you felt.
"I'm feeling fear in my belly. It feels like I'm afraid that you'll be angry at me. I also feel a sadness in my chest. I long for love and connection with you."
Could it really be that simple?
I can tell you from practical experience now that this way of living is so much easier, more fun, loving, and flowing. I'm feeling so much more connection in my close relationships